Channel Tunnel Finally Cleared After Police Show Migrants Pictures Of Newry

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An attempt by border police to clear the Channel Tunnel of disruption by showing migrants images of Newry city centre has paid off, reports have confirmed.

French and British officers distributed flyers and erected large banners displaying images of Newry, in a bid to show the illegal travellers that Northern Ireland isn’t the perfect nirvana they’ve been forced to believe.

One officer said: “What these chaps need to understand is, citizenship isn’t dining with Royalty and playing polo in the garden, it’s walking through Newry town centre in mid-February in the wind and rain, stepping over broken glass and Friar Tuck’s sick puddles.

“We’re only showing them where some people really live. If that’s not what they expected then tough shit. It seems to be working anyway; once we showed them pictures of the pavement outside Bellinis on a Sunday morning, even the most determined migrant promised to never bother returning”.