Sat. Dec 5th, 2020

A local burglar has spoken about his ‘shock’ and ‘disgust’ after an incident in Camlough today we can reveal.

The hardworking burglar who was out doing his 9am-5pm shift for the day said he saw a house that looked unoccupied so he broke into the house via the back door.

What happened next was described as ‘farcical’. The burglar Nick MaThings told Newry Spud:

“I went into the house and there was a fella sitting watching TV so I told him I was here to rob the house and that I was looking for money. The homeowner then got up and said, ‘Here, I’ll help you look and we can split it 50/50 if we find anything’.

I left quickly thereafter, what a fucking joke, there was more chance of me shitting in the Queen’s handbag than there was getting a brass penny from that house. Desperate baah.”

Meanwhile the burglar has since found out his ‘victim’ was on his 3rd ‘Crisis Loan’ of the year.

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