Sun. Feb 28th, 2021
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There is a war brewing between local chip shops who have been asked by the British government to submit bids to feed all of the Greater Newry area in the event of a ‘No Deal Brexit’ after DUP MP Sammy Wilson made the appeal last week in parliament.

We believe that Ned Kelly’s, Friar Tucks, Eileen’s Chippy & Silverfin’s are currently in contention for the multi-million pound contract.

The DUP’s Sammy Wilson spoke to us via Skype using his free iPhone while eating his subsidised meal in a top London restaurant and he said:

“I don’t see the big deal really. Why do you normal folks care about fruit and vegetables? Fuck it, we can just send you to the chippy. Personally speaking I’m more of a Silverfin’s fan, I’ve been known to like a bit of fish in my time.”

It is thought representatives from Ned Kelly’s, Friar Tucks, Eileen’s Chippy & Silverfin’s are to meet in McClelland Park for a scrap, last man or woman standing wins the contract.

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