Sun. Jan 17th, 2021

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s most senior advisor Dominic Cummings has said he will leave the office of the Prime Minister and become a sales advisor in the Derrybeg Shop we can reveal.

After travelling around England with his wife and child over Easter while he had suspected Covid-19 symptoms he has decided to call his time in politics and move to the ghetto area of Derrybeg.

Mr Cummings told Newry Spud:

“Politics has become very toxic and the press have crucified me over my decision to drive 60 miles to test my eyesight. My wife Sinéad is originally from Derrybeg so we have come back to her roots to settle down and start fresh.

I want to thank the shop owners and the people of Derrybeg for the lovely welcome they have already sent me via Twitter and Facebook. I look forward to becoming part of the community and hopefully I can re-enter politics as Gavin Malone’s advisor or something.”

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