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The PSNI has warned pensioners and other vulnerable people to be on their guard against bogus callers this Christmas.

“A spate of incidents has been reported to us lately, mostly around the Meadow area,” Officer Paddy O’Door told our reporter yesterday. “The culprits call at the door claiming to represent Jesus Christ, the well-known Palestinian communist.

They then offer the householder fake products such as ‘love’, ‘salvation’ and ‘everlasting life’, in a sick attempt to win their trust. Should they gain admittance to the property, tea and biscuits may be taken.”

The PSNI has now published a set of guidelines for householders who suspect a caller may be bogus. First, demand proof that they represent a valid religion. A message from their god, a small weather-related miracle or a pleasing vision should be promptly provided.

Secondly, insist that all religions are equally valid. If the callers do not agree, close the door immediately and contact the Commission for Racial Equality. Finally, never accept a book or pamphlet from anyone, however nice their hat, as this may only encourage further visits.

“With extra vigilance and public help,” concluded Officer O’Door “I’m confident that we’ll get these bastards.”