‘Big Flash’ Over Newry Was ‘Jihadi Paddy’ & Derrybeg ISIS Nuclear Warhead Test

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There was panic and widespread worry tonight as a ‘Big Blue’ flash of light illuminated the skies over Newry.

Newry Spud can now reveal that it was Derrybeg ISIS leader ‘Jihadi Paddy’ testing their new nuclear warhead.

In a statement released exclusively to Newry Spud Newry ISIS said:

“We have successfully launched our first nuclear warhead from Jennings Park. It will explode over Warrenpoint and land in the sea without causing any injuries. This was only a test and we apologise for any inconvenience caused to the people of the greater Newry area. Allah Akbar.”