Belfast shoplifters ‘bitterly disappointed’ with The Quay’s.


Four shoplifters from West Belfast described themselves as “bitterly disappointed” with The Quay’s shopping complex at a court appearance on Friday. According to PSNI officer Will Rob, the four young people – two men, and two women who look like men – had stolen a red Ford Focus from the bottom of the Fall’s Road and driven down the M1 “at around 110 mph.”

Just past the Moira exit, they heard an advertisement for Newry’s Quay’s shopping centre.

“You can imagine how bitterly disappointed we were when we got inside,” suspect Brian Pondscum told resident magistrate Richard Carter. “A few cheap shoe-shops, a Boots and some place selling candles and shit. Thank fuck for the nearby off-licence or we’d have had to smash some windows.”

The Belfast low-life’s left The Quay’s after 10 minutes, intending to break into some houses, but were apprehended by the police in nearby Dominic Street.

“Just by being in The Quay’s,” explained Officer Rob, “they’d already aroused our suspicion.”