Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021


Newry music promoter Simon Cowbell is to hold another round of auditions for the city’s first-ever boy band. The initial round of auditions, held in the town hall last Saturday, attracted hundreds of hopefuls, but only three of the proposed group’s four places have so far been filled.

“Any successful boy band needs four distinct members,” explained Mr Cowbell yesterday. “A good-looking one, a gay one, a fat one and a stupid one.”

“Unfortunately,” continued Mr Cowbell, “we only seem to be able to fill three of these categories locally.”

Mr Cowbell refused to say which one of the four categories remains open. “Let’s just put it this way,” he told our reporter. “We don’t need to see anyone else from Newry’s Southern Regional College.”

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