Tue. Jan 19th, 2021

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There was widespread concern today about the people of Hilltown being given the vote for the first time in the we can reveal.

The remote and somewhat backward village has rightly been excluded from all democratic processes for centuries because it is widely accepted that the locals are not educated enough to understand the complexities of politics.

While most Hilltown people cannot read, many more cannot write – or even hold a pencil correctly in order to mark a cross on a ballot paper.

But now the Electoral Commission has insisted the village gets the vote, with a trial set for the local elections in May.

An insider said:

“We don’t expect many from Hilltown to have a clue what’s going on, but in modern Ireland everyone should be treated equally and have their say on important matters.

We are creating some special drawings to show residents how to vote on the day, and just have to assume they have a basic understanding of what the issues are and which way they want to vote.”

A major concern is that huge numbers of locals could easily be bribed by political parties with turnips or beer.

However, one man said he was looking forward to voting for the first time told us:

“I love X Factor and it can’t be any harder than voting on thon hi”.

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