ep4f (45)

All Newry pensioners are to be banned from the city centre – because they smell of piss and are slow it has been revealed today.

The Newry, Mourne & Down District Council has obtained blanket ASBOs that prevent anybody aged 65 or over from entering Newry city centre from 7am to 9pm.

Anyone breaching the order is likely to be arrested and jailed for five years – effectively a rest of life sentence for those in their later years.

The order was made by the Council and the PSNI.

Newry PSNI said members of the city centre policing team were approached on a daily basis by members of the public and shopkeepers complaining about the behaviour of older people.

Acting Sergeant Gerry Irwin told Newry Spud:

“Old people are a pain in the hole. Have you ever tried walking across town in a hurry while they shuffle along or had to queue behind one of them in a shop while they count out the exact amount of change from their pension?

They also stink. Their clothes smell of mothballs, cats or piss or usually all three. We are committed to ensuring those that visit the city centre can do so without having to look at and smell these old bastards.”