All Newry landlords are cunts we can reveal.
A study carried out by Newry Spud has discovered that not only do they want every penny you have but they now also demand that you sign over your soul.
Although the soul is an inward and imaginary personal thing the Landlord Association of Newry has got together to demand all current and future private tenants sign ‘their immortal and blessed soul’ over to them before taking occupancy of a house.
A spokesman for the Landlords Association Martin Cuntbag told Newry Spud:
“I think we deserve tenant’s souls to be honest. Especially the ones that are receiving DHSS benefits just to make life that little bit more difficult and miserable for them.
After we receive their souls we then want to make it obligatory that they give us 4 pints of their blood every month, not to help the blood transfusion service it’s just so we can drink it and laugh.”