shinners

All Newry Republicans have been ordered to dump 1916 replica uniforms and focus exclusively on peaceful democratic means from midnight onward it has been revealed.

This comes after several days of marching through the city by various Republican factions to commemorate the 1916 Easter Rising.

Several ‘volunteers’ who were in 1916 regalia are said to be dismayed by this news as they felt ‘like the Ra’ when walking around in 1900’s replica garb.

One ‘volunteer’ who was 9 when the IRA ceasefire was called said:

“This is premature by the movement; I think we should be allowed to walk around all the time in these outfits. Totally unacceptable.”

The order from the Republican Publicity Bureau in Dublin continued:

“All replica uniforms and fake guns are to be dumped by 12 midnight and all of the eejits we had walking around in fancy dress are to desist such actions with immediate effect.”