Sat. Feb 27th, 2021
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A new law has been passed today by the Newry, Mourne & Down District Council that will make it compulsory for all children under the age of 13 to be leashed to the table their parents are sitting at in a pub or restaurant.

The law which is warmly welcomed by people who are just in for a quiet pint or a meal has been met with a mixed reception.

A Council spokeswoman told Newry Spud:

“This is a move that will let ordinary folks enjoy a simple few pints or a civil meal in peace and quiet without wee shites running around their ankles or screaming the place down.

While we Newry folks see ourselves as a progressive type we understand this move might seem draconian in nature so we will make it a law that a bow of water must be provided plus we don’t really give a fuck to be honest.”

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