‘Alan’s Snack Bar’ In Newry Attracts Unwanted Attention From Dyslexic Islamic Extremists

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A new snack bar in Newry city centre has found itself in the unfortunate position of being a popular meeting point for Islamic extremists, it’s been revealed.




‘Alan’s Snack Bar’, run by local man Alan Barr, opened its doors in May, and within weeks found itself with a clientele made up entirely of dyslexic ISIS sympathisers from the surrounding areas.

Speaking from his shop this morning on Hill Street, Mr Barr told Newry Spud:

“I can only assume they’re mistaking Alan’s Snack Bar with Allahu Akbar. I get the confusion, but I wanted to open a snack bar and my name is Alan, so you can see my problem”.

“Initially my target market was school kids on lunch breaks or people nipping into town for some shopping, not a group of radical Islamic fundamentalists. But I suppose business is business.”

Responding to rumours that he is purposely allowing his premises to be used by potential terrorists, he said:

“I should point out that Alan’s Snack Bar is in no way connected to any terrorist cell. The only thing extreme about us is our extremely low prices on drinks and sandwiches”.

“I should probably take down the sign outside claiming we have ‘radical’ deals on pasties and sausage rolls, too. I really don’t help myself”.