‘Adele FM’ Radio Station Launches In Newry


A new radio station playing nothing but Adele songs is about to take over the Newry airwaves. Radio Adele will be blasting out melancholic hits from the North London superstar 24-hours a day.

Station chief executive Eammon Quinn said the target audience was people who were sad and compulsively attracted to songs in minor keys. Mr Quinn pledged Radio Adele would be very different to other stations.

“Market research shows that our peak listening time will be between 3am and 4am,” he explained.

“That’s when tear stained guys and gals will be getting home from a heart splitting break up with their girlfriend/boyfriend. They’ll switch on Radio Adele for comfort and can bask in the warm internal glow of knowing there is someone out there who knows just what they’re going through – someone like us.”

But Quinn conceded that with just three albums to choose from the playlist is likely to be somewhat restricted:

“But we estimate that in four years from now output will go up by 25 per cent, that’s the sort of figures most government statisticians would kill for,” he stressed.

Radio Adele will feature plenty of competitions with prizes appropriate to the ethos of the station, such as big boxes of tissues and gilded photo frames for listeners to put pictures of their former lovers in while they mournfully stare at the rose-tinted soft-focus image. Each week there will be one major contest where the lucky winner will get free entry to Cobbles and one free drink.”