Former Armagh Stars McDonnell & McNulty To Release ‘Grime Album’

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One times in a row All Ireland winners Steven McDonnell & Justin McNulty are set to become Ireland’s newest ‘Grime’ artists we can reveal. The duo who would not normally be the first people to spring to mind to be street rap artists are now 9 months deep into a studio album entitled ‘Balls & Continue Reading

Newry Pest Control ‘Very Busy’ As Arsenal Fans Crawl From Woodwork

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Newry Pest Control has said ‘our phones have not stopped’ after Arsenal beat Chelsea to win the FA Cup or something. It is thought to be reported all over the place and indeed on Facebook that ‘life sized creatures’ have been seen crawling out of the woodwork. A Newry Pest Control spokesman told us: “Jaysus Continue Reading

David De Gea In Camlough For Medical With Camlough AFC

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Former Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea has arrived in Camlough for a medical with Camlough AFC along with his representatives after being released by the Old Trafford club. The hapless Spaniard who seems to be made of cling-film has been in touch with Man United’s south Armagh representative Jarly Smyth who said he will Continue Reading

Newry City AFC Women’s Boss To Take Over At Leeds United

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The mind behind Newry City Ladies successes has been linked with the top job at Leeds United as they come back to the Premier League next season we can reveal. James ‘Souness’ Feehan from Bessbrook has held overnight talks with the top brass at the West Yorkshire club with the Elland Road side set to Continue Reading

United Fans Dig Cave On Camlough Mountain As Liverpool Title Looms

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A massive underground cave has been made on the side of Camlough Mountain by local Man United fans we ca reveal. The bitter losers who cannot stand to watch as rivals Liverpool climb back on top of their perch have decided to hide out for a few months until this all blows over. Local Man Continue Reading

Bessbrook Man To Represent Kenya After 30th Marathon Run

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A Bessbrook man has sensationally been selected to represent Kenya for their National marathon team after completing his 30th marathon yesterday. Davy Garey from Camlough Park in the village ran around the park for to a distance comparable to that of a marathon for Marie Curie in memory of his late mom Nancy. His selection Continue Reading

Newry City Fans Enjoying This Unbeaten Run As Season Is Halted

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Newry City fans are having the best end to a season in living memory as they haven’t seen their team beat since the lock-down on Irish League football. Even though the team haven’t played in weeks because of Covid-19 restrictions that won’t stop Newry fans celebrating. We spoke with one fan Brian Ferris who asked Continue Reading

Down GAA’s Offer Of Free Tickets When Covid 19 Over ‘Cruel & Unusual’ Say UN

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The Down County board has said that they will give everyone who wants them FREE tickets for any home Down Gaelic of Hurling match when the lock-down causing the United Nations to step in we can reveal. What is seen as a generous offer to outsiders looking in it is obvious to many that this Continue Reading

Government ‘May Call In’ Francie Bellew To Rid Coronavirus From Country

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The British & Irish governments have said this morning that they will call Francie Bellew in to warn coronavirus to ‘get to fuck from around the place’ we can confirm. Bellew an Armagh and Crossmaglen GAA great is known for his calm demeanour but who is also known to be the only man to strike Continue Reading

Massive Brit Is GAA Dual Star All Of A Sudden

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The Duchess of Cambridge has announced that she will join two local GAA clubs and become a ‘dual star’ in the GAA. The Duchess who has said she will change her name to Caitrín was in Galway yesterday and immediately fell in love with the Irish national pastimes of Gaelic games. The Duchess told us: Continue Reading