A Burren resident has said he is suing Burren because he has to live, well, in Burren we can reveal. The man who was born and reared in Burren said he has had enough and that it ‘was time’ he made a stand. He told us: “I was obviously cursed by the fact my family Continue Reading
The farming community in south Armagh and south Down is in mourning after the Balmoral Show has been cancelled this year due to the coronavirus pandemic. The shit kickers from Burren to Forkhill will observe a 7 days of mourning and prayer after the cancellation of the show. One local farmer Peadar DealerBoots told us: Continue Reading
A Saudi King has said he will buy Burren and blow it to fuck we can reveal. King Hussain Bin Laden a philanthropist who has helped humanity with billions of pounds worth of donations aid this will be his biggest act of charity yet. King Hussain told Newry Spud: “I heard about Burren. It really Continue Reading
Mayobridge has made the bold move of becoming the first ever ‘Wankers Only’ zone in Ireland we can report. The unbearable little backward village which already has a reputation on par with Chernobyl will now only allow ‘Wankers’ to live and socialise within the geographical boundaries of the townland. All people travelling to and from Continue Reading
SDLP’s Pete Byrne has announced that he would cap the price of pints in local bars if he were elected at the upcoming Westminster Elections. The current price of a pint is anywhere from £3.40 to 5.10, but this is ‘totally unacceptable’ Byrne told Newry Spud: “The price of a pint reflects the state of Continue Reading
Newry’s neighbour Warrenpoint has decided to call it a day and annex itself into Newry we can reveal. The poor relation in every aspect of life, Warrenpoint and its residents will officially get rid of the name Warrenpoint and call itself Newry in a pathetic attempt to become relevant. We spoke with Sinn Féin Councillor Continue Reading
Veteran wildlife presenter Sir David Attenborough has travelled to Burren for the filming of a documentary on the locals, the BBC has said. Attenborough who has won worldwide acclaim for documentaries that have studied the great apes, has said the Burren natives are possibly the greatest apes he has ever seen. We spoke with Mr Attenborough from The Continue Reading
A giant sinkhole has sucked in Burren we can reveal. The natural phenomena that can devastate areas happened 3 weeks ago but has only been noticed by the outside world today. A Newry man who needed to go to Mayobridge on business found the massive hole and saw that Burren had disappeared and called the Continue Reading
Channel 4 have confirmed that local political giant Charlie Casey will appear in their hit series ‘Undercover Boss’ we can reveal. In the programme expected to be aired in December the Sinn Féin stalwart will go undercover as a political intern under the guise of a bearded and well-coiffed American. Mr Casey told Newry Spud: Continue Reading
Scientists have discovered a new human-like species in the Mayobridge pub Gorman’s which could change ideas about our early relatives. Evidence suggests that the newly-found group, named ‘Plentyus Lagerus’, branched off from the known evolutionary tree, forming its own close-knit society. Speaking from outside the public house, Professor Liam Hynds of Queen’s University told Newry Continue Reading