Former Armagh Stars McDonnell & McNulty To Release ‘Grime Album’

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One times in a row All Ireland winners Steven McDonnell & Justin McNulty are set to become Ireland’s newest ‘Grime’ artists we can reveal. The duo who would not normally be the first people to spring to mind to be street rap artists are now 9 months deep into a studio album entitled ‘Balls & Continue Reading

Newry Pest Control ‘Very Busy’ As Arsenal Fans Crawl From Woodwork

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Newry Pest Control has said ‘our phones have not stopped’ after Arsenal beat Chelsea to win the FA Cup or something. It is thought to be reported all over the place and indeed on Facebook that ‘life sized creatures’ have been seen crawling out of the woodwork. A Newry Pest Control spokesman told us: “Jaysus Continue Reading

David De Gea In Camlough For Medical With Camlough AFC

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Former Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea has arrived in Camlough for a medical with Camlough AFC along with his representatives after being released by the Old Trafford club. The hapless Spaniard who seems to be made of cling-film has been in touch with Man United’s south Armagh representative Jarly Smyth who said he will Continue Reading

Cullyhanna Lad Arrested & Charged With ‘Crimes Against Fashion’

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A Cullyhanna man has become the first person to ever be charged with ‘Crimes Against Fashion’ at a sitting today at Newry Crown Court. The 27 year-old part-time farmer and full-time red diesel maker was stopped in the village by the PSNI after they discovered him wearing ‘items that may cause public outcry’. The man Continue Reading

United Fans Dig Cave On Camlough Mountain As Liverpool Title Looms

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A massive underground cave has been made on the side of Camlough Mountain by local Man United fans we ca reveal. The bitter losers who cannot stand to watch as rivals Liverpool climb back on top of their perch have decided to hide out for a few months until this all blows over. Local Man Continue Reading

REPORT: Uncle Eamon Was Definitely In The RA Or Something

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There’s been breaking news today that your uncle Eamon was definitely in the RA we can now confirm. Eamon your shady uncle who always says ‘say nothing till you hear more’ and ‘no loose talk’ was unavailable for comment. However his nephew told us: “Yeah, uncle Eamon is an awful cute hure who was definitely Continue Reading

Bronze Statue Of Adolf Hitler Erected In Mountnorris

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There was some bemusement this morning when locals from the sleepy village of Mountnorris woke-up to a new Adolf Hitler statue erected in their midst. The bronze statue that stands proudly looking over the village is thought to be erected in homage to local Pastor Barrie Halliday. One local told us: “It looks well. I Continue Reading

Bessbrook Man To Represent Kenya After 30th Marathon Run

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A Bessbrook man has sensationally been selected to represent Kenya for their National marathon team after completing his 30th marathon yesterday. Davy Garey from Camlough Park in the village ran around the park for to a distance comparable to that of a marathon for Marie Curie in memory of his late mom Nancy. His selection Continue Reading

Dame Vera Lynn To Return To Her Native Culloville For Burial

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Culloville native Dame Vera Lynn will be returned to her native south Armagh tomorrow afternoon for burial we can confirm. Fondly known as the ‘Forces Sweetheart’ for her war time singing of ‘We’ll meet again’ never forgotten her roots in the small weird little village of Culloville and requested that she be returned there when Continue Reading

Pastor Barrie Halliday Appointed To Head Of International KKK

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Bessbrook Pastor Barrie Halliday has been sensationally fast-tracked to the top of the KKK we can reveal. The man of God who this week posted a video on Facebook encouraging people of colour to ‘go back home in boats’ will take up the tittle as International Grand Wizard. Barrie told us: “Obviously this a great Continue Reading