Newry

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A 26 year-old Newry man has been admitted to Daisy Hill hospital today after he broke his jaw while trying to eat a ‘Macs Burger’ we can reveal. The unsuspecting victim ordered the mammoth burger while out in town today and while he thought he could handle the burger from the Mill Street Mac’s Pizza. Continue Reading

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The Great-Granddaughter of the world’s greatest despot Adolf Hitler has started to work as a traffic warden in Newry we can reveal. The small blonde who roams the area around Mary Street and the Market ‘fucking loves’ giving you a ticket. We spoke with the girl Angela Hitler who said: “It’s a great wee job Continue Reading

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The former fastest man on the planet has revealed that his secret to running like crazy was just imagining he’s in the ghetto district of Carnaget. The world’s best athlete in a generation Bolt said that it’s not all about physical strength and athleticism, but also visualisation. He told Newry Spud: “I worked hard in training, but when Continue Reading

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The wee girl who works in B&M at Newry’s Merchants Quay has said ‘just go ahead there and I’ll watch ya pack your stuff’ we can reveal. The till worker who is as happy to be there than the Pope in Shandon Park just likes watching you go flat out. She told Newry Spud: “I Continue Reading

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Newry’s best cocktail spot Bellini’s have said that they are to offer EVERYONE free drink all day today for their re-opening we can reveal. With their smashing Strawberry Daiquiris and our favourite ‘Drumsticks’ cocktail they have decided that everyone who wants it and comes in to the venue can ‘drink till you’re lamped’. Spokesman Cathal Continue Reading

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Asher’s Bakery has announced that they will open a new shop on Monaghan Street after they bought the retail unit that was used by the Newry Rainbow Community we can reveal. The retail unit on Monaghan Street beside Iceland was bought by the General Manager of Asher’s Daniel McArthur in what Asher’s say was a Continue Reading

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Newry Mourne & Down Council Chairperson Laura Devlin will be on this evenings episode of The Chase we can reveal. Councillor Devlin didn’t actually apply to be on the show however instead the Council put her forward in a desperate attempt to win funds to pay for Chief Executive Marie Ward’s £140,000 plus per year Continue Reading

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A young Newry man has been voted the ‘Happiest Undertaker’ in Ireland today we can reveal. Jordan Poucher who is an Undertaker for his family business has beat stiff competition from other hopefuls across the island in the much sought after award. Although an undertaker Jordan also is Gavin Malone’s chief strategist and PR consultant. Continue Reading

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A local pervert is praying that the warm weather will return again so the women of the city return to the Hill Street with their ‘diddies out’ we can now reveal. The miserable man who has nothing better to do than to sit outside the Cathedral eyeing up the women has stated that he just Continue Reading