Local Man To Feed Ballybot/Barcroft After Growing World’s Largest Cabbage

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A kind hearted Newry man has said he will cook every house in the Ballybot & Barcroft area a feed of cabbage, boiled ham and spuds after he grew the world’s largest cabbage we can report. Kieran Donaghy the professional vegetable grower from the city has reached the pinnacle of his career with the massive Continue Reading

Former Armagh Stars McDonnell & McNulty To Release ‘Grime Album’

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One times in a row All Ireland winners Steven McDonnell & Justin McNulty are set to become Ireland’s newest ‘Grime’ artists we can reveal. The duo who would not normally be the first people to spring to mind to be street rap artists are now 9 months deep into a studio album entitled ‘Balls & Continue Reading

Newry Pest Control ‘Very Busy’ As Arsenal Fans Crawl From Woodwork

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Newry Pest Control has said ‘our phones have not stopped’ after Arsenal beat Chelsea to win the FA Cup or something. It is thought to be reported all over the place and indeed on Facebook that ‘life sized creatures’ have been seen crawling out of the woodwork. A Newry Pest Control spokesman told us: “Jaysus Continue Reading

Newry Reporter To Launch ‘Readers Wives’ Weekly Supplement

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The Newry Reporter have said they plan to release a ‘Readers Wives’ weekly supplement in conjunction with the Swingers Club at The Bernish we can reveal. The long-running Newry paper has had to look at new revenue streams and ideas after Covid-19 has depleted their almost exclusively advert riddled paper. A Newry Reporter spokesman told Continue Reading

WIN WIN Competitions Put Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet Up For Raffle

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A local business owner of ‘one of them raffle yokes’ has shocked his followers on ‘Win Win Competitions’ by putting up a Boeing 747 for raffle. Confounding all economic experts the local man Paddy McAteer has secured a second hand Boeing 747 for an estimated £103.5 million and all you have to do is buy Continue Reading

David De Gea In Camlough For Medical With Camlough AFC

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Former Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea has arrived in Camlough for a medical with Camlough AFC along with his representatives after being released by the Old Trafford club. The hapless Spaniard who seems to be made of cling-film has been in touch with Man United’s south Armagh representative Jarly Smyth who said he will Continue Reading

Newry City AFC Women’s Boss To Take Over At Leeds United

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The mind behind Newry City Ladies successes has been linked with the top job at Leeds United as they come back to the Premier League next season we can reveal. James ‘Souness’ Feehan from Bessbrook has held overnight talks with the top brass at the West Yorkshire club with the Elland Road side set to Continue Reading

Man Breaks Jaw After Trying To Eat The ‘Mac Burger’

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A 26 year-old Newry man has been admitted to Daisy Hill hospital today after he broke his jaw while trying to eat a ‘Macs Burger’ we can reveal. The unsuspecting victim ordered the mammoth burger while out in town today and while he thought he could handle the burger from the Mill Street Mac’s Pizza. Continue Reading

Adolf Hitler’s Great-Granddaughter A Traffic Warden In Newry

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The Great-Granddaughter of the world’s greatest despot Adolf Hitler has started to work as a traffic warden in Newry we can reveal. The small blonde who roams the area around Mary Street and the Market ‘fucking loves’ giving you a ticket. We spoke with the girl Angela Hitler who said: “It’s a great wee job Continue Reading

Bolt Reveals Secret – ‘I Used To Imagine Myself Running From Carnagat’

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The former fastest man on the planet has revealed that his secret to running like crazy was just imagining he’s in the ghetto district of Carnaget. The world’s best athlete in a generation Bolt said that it’s not all about physical strength and athleticism, but also visualisation. He told Newry Spud: “I worked hard in training, but when Continue Reading