Sun. Feb 28th, 2021
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58% of Newry mothers have admitted having to buy their own Mother’s Day cards because their kids are lazy fuckers.

The shock admissions came as the result of a survey undertaken by a High Street card shop was made public.

Survey leader Liam Sloane told Newry Spud:

“It’s a sad state of affairs when more than half of Newry mummies have to go out and buy their own cards. I was almost in tears as I was out surveying. Some kids really don’t know that they’re born do they?

Newry Spud spoke to some of the mothers who had bought their own cards. Mum-of-three Patricia Williams said:

“All my kids have fucked off. I spent 20 years bringing them up and now that they’ve got a big posh house they really couldn’t care less. I had to go down five ways petrol station to get myself a Mother’s Day card. I bought two bottles of Rosé and a pack of fegs while I was there so I’m happy.”

Another mum said:

“My kids were buying me shit cards so I took matters into my own hands last year. I don’t want shitty cards with pictures of Daniel O’Donnell on them. I want flowers and money.”

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