Sat. Nov 28th, 2020

The UN have sent in troops to stop people from visiting Four Star Pizza on Newry’s Monaghan Street we can reveal.

This move came after the International Criminal Court, based in the Hague, Netherlands, issued a report condemning the ever-worsening situation as “inhumane, completely avoidable, and an outright affront to all mankind.”

One UN spokesman told Newry Spud:

“We want to stop people from unnecessary harm. Our observers concluded that the constant threat of cold pizza that tastes of rubber is nothing short of a human rights violation.”

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