Jordan Poucher Wins ‘Happiest Undertaker’ In Ireland Award
A young Newry man has been voted the ‘Happiest Undertaker’ in Ireland today we can reveal. Jordan Poucher who is…
Cullyhanna Lad Arrested & Charged With ‘Crimes Against Fashion’
A Cullyhanna man has become the first person to ever be charged with ‘Crimes Against Fashion’ at a sitting today…
Pervert On Hill Street Looking Forward To Sun Coming Out To See Diddies
A local pervert is praying that the warm weather will return again so the women of the city return to…
The Boulevard To Re-Open As ‘High End’ Brothel
After the well-known Newry institution The Boulevard announced that it was closing its doors after 3 decades of operating the…
Locals Can’t Wait To Start Overspending For Pints Again On Friday
With the countdown now officially started the drinking population of Newry cannot fucking wait to mediocre service and spending 3…
‘Open Daisy Hill’ Says Mom Who Can’t ‘Check In’ With Healthy Child
A brave and courageous Newry woman has said she will not rest until Daisy hill Hospital Emergency Department is opened…
United Fans Dig Cave On Camlough Mountain As Liverpool Title Looms
A massive underground cave has been made on the side of Camlough Mountain by local Man United fans we ca…
REPORT: Uncle Eamon Was Definitely In The RA Or Something
There’s been breaking news today that your uncle Eamon was definitely in the RA we can now confirm. Eamon your…
No Vaccine Yet But You’re Allowed To Ride Each In Dunne’s Car Park
While there is still no vaccine for Covid-19 you can still meet up and ride in your car in Dunne’s…
Bronze Statue Of Adolf Hitler Erected In Mountnorris
There was some bemusement this morning when locals from the sleepy village of Mountnorris woke-up to a new Adolf Hitler…