Go Fund Me Page Set Up To Buy Councillor Malone Trousers & Jeans

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The people of Newry and south Armagh have come together and created a ‘Go Fund Me’ page to raise money for a very special man we can reveal. The page has been set up to raise funds to buy Independent Councillor Gavin Malone a few pairs of trousers and jeans as the people are getting Continue Reading

Local Man Called ‘Superhero’ After Guiding Donkeys Off Road In Flip-Flops

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A local man is being hailed today as a superhero after an act of selfless bravery that was witness yesterday we can reveal. John O’Reilly was sitting at home enjoying a cup of tea and a cream bun when he witnessed two wild donkeys that were on the road and causing a hazard to drivers. Continue Reading

Boris Johnson’s Advisor Dominic Cummings To Start Work In Derrybeg Shop

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British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s most senior advisor Dominic Cummings has said he will leave the office of the Prime Minister and become a sales advisor in the Derrybeg Shop we can reveal. After travelling around England with his wife and child over Easter while he had suspected Covid-19 symptoms he has decided to call Continue Reading

Man Feels ‘Cheated’ Having To Look At Wife Without Hair & Tan Done

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A brave man has spoken out about how disappointed he is with his wife’s appearance now that she hasn’t been able to get her hair and sunbeds done for quite some time. While the woman in question is usually a good looking woman this quarantine has taken its toll on her and the man rightly Continue Reading

Nurse Confused As Shops Won’t Accept ‘Claps & Applause’ For Payment

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A Newry based Nurse has spoken out tonight about how she was tuned back from a local shop when she tried to pay for her groceries with ‘claps and applause’ we can reveal. The Nurse who appreciates the time people take out of their lives on Thursday nights was shocked when she couldn’t cash in Continue Reading

Burren Man To Sue Burren For Having To Live In Burren

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A Burren resident has said he is suing Burren because he has to live, well, in Burren we can reveal. The man who was born and reared in Burren said he has had enough and that it ‘was time’ he made a stand. He told us: “I was obviously cursed by the fact my family Continue Reading

Meigh Man Announced As New ‘RAMBO’ On 30th Birthday

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A Meigh man has been offered the acting role of a lifetime to coincide with his 30th birthday today we can reveal. Raymond ‘RAMBO’ O’Hanlon has been hand-picked by Sylvester Stallone to be the new face of the RAMBO movie franchise. A delighted O’Hanlon told Newry Spud from his Meigh cow-shed: “I’m blown away by Continue Reading

Ultrabeat Sign On Dole As No Royalties From ‘Pretty Green Eyes’ Coming In

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The British electro-trance band Utrabeat have said they are now being forced to sign on the dole after their song ‘Pretty Green Eyes’ is not getting played 290 times a weekend in Newry’s night life spots. The group who rely on royalties have been living off their 2003 hit with Newry and Warrenpoint being the Continue Reading

Dublin Road Residents To Get Gucci Designer Wheelie Bins

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The people of the Dublin Road will have new wheelie bins delivered on Monday in order to distinguish themselves from the rest of the Newry riff-raff the Council has announced. Areas such as Windsor Hill will have ‘Gucci’ designer wheelie bins to show their rubbish is of a higher end type. A Newry, Mourne & Continue Reading

Tony ‘RISER’ Smith In Possible ‘Legends Bout’ With Mike Tyson

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One of Newry’s most well-known faces Tony ‘RISER’ Smith the star of ‘The Banter Show’ has pulled off possibly the biggest challenge of his life we can reveal. Tony who is a lover of the art of boxing and is known to have friends within the business including Steve Collins is in talks with ‘Iron’ Continue Reading