Warrenpoint ‘To Live In Newry’s Shadow’ Forever Say Locals

26th August 2018

Warrenpoint officials unveiled a new strategic vision for the Town today, one that aims to place Warrenpoint firmly in the shadow of its larger cousin, Newry for the foreseeable future. Independent Councillor Jarlath Tinnelly told Newry Spud: “This town has a proud tradition of dreaming big, and reaching higher, as long as those dreams are shorter than […]

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UNICEF Evacuate Warrenpoint Residents To Nearby Rostrevor

20th August 2018

A report from the world’s leading humanitarian charity UNICEF has declared that Warrenpoint is an ‘uninhabitable & toxic’ town and has set up emergency tents in the nearby village of Rostrevor for the thousands of refugees expected to leave the area. A UNICEF spokesman told Newry Spud: “We received reports from various concerned statutory bodies […]

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Pope Francis To Do DJ Set In Marine Tavern Saturday

19th August 2018

The Marine Tavern has announced that Pope Francis the 266th leader of the Catholic Church is to do a ‘guest set’ next Saturday night. Pope Francis who is known to have a keen interest in European House Trance is to do a 45 minute set before retiring to the nearby Canal Coury Hotel before celebrating Mass […]

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Marine Tavern DJ To Step In AS Barry Chuckle’s Replacement

6th August 2018

The world of comedy was shook yesterday with the news that Barry Chuckle, one part of the Chuckle Brothers passed away. But one local DJ has promised to ‘stand in’ and take over from Barry. John Jenkinson the DJ in The Marine Tavern will work alongside the surviving Chuckle Brother Paul. John told Newry Spud: […]

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Big O Arrested Over His ‘Horrendous Radio Adverts’

1st August 2018

The PSNI have arrested Warrenpoint comedian ‘Big O’ real name Oliver McMahon this morning in what eyewitnesses claim was a sensational swoop by heavily armed police personnel. It is understood the arrest is for the many years he put the people of Newry and the surrounding areas through with his annoying radio advertisements. One PSNI […]

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Newry & Warrenpoint In ‘2 State Solution’ Peace Talks

14th May 2018

After decades of tension between the neighbouring Newry and Warrenpoint communities, representatives from both areas have sat down at the negotiating table in Canal Court Hotel with hopes of bringing lasting peace to the district. Warrenpoint natives have accused Newry of bringing electricity, running water and law to the seaside town causing some of them […]

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Council Put Warrenpoint Up For Sale At Wilson’s Auctions

28th April 2018

Newry, Mourne and Down District Council has decided to put Warrenpoint up for sale we can reveal. The ‘poor relation’ to Newry a few miles away is said to have run it’s course for ‘any reasonable usage’. A Council spokesman told Newry Spud: “We’ve contacted Wilson’s Auctions who are dealing with the sale. We pondered […]

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Newry Man Rushed To Hospital After ‘Cringe Attack’ After Last Night’s Antics

7th April 2018

A young man has been rushed to Daisy Hill Hospital after suffering what doctors are calling a ‘cringe induced attack’ after flashbacks of the yoke he shifted at The Marine last night. The unnamed man thought to be in his mid 20’s was last seen ‘shifting the face’ off some woman believed to be anywhere […]

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Report: Warrenpoint Still Lingering In The Shadow Of Newry

30th November 2017

An annual report commissioned by Newry Spud has been released this morning and declares that Newry is still far better than Warrenpoint we can reveal. The Point sits firmly in the shadow of its more successful and larger neighbour Newry and that’s just fine according to most people surveyed. One Newry man told us: “Don’t […]

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Marine Tavern DJ Admits ‘I Am The Third Chuckle Brother’

4th September 2017

The well-known Marine Tavern DJ John Jenkinson has admitted he is actually the third Chuckle brother we can reveal. John who has tried to hide the fact that he is the double of Barry Chuckle said after ‘long and tiresome’ decades of hiding it, he is actually the third Chuckle brother. We spoke with John […]

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