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Warrenpoint

ISIS Cancel Warrenpoint Attack As ‘Allah Left That Dump Years Ago’

24th November 2018

An ISIS group who intended to attack Warrenpoint has cancelled their plans because ‘Allah left that hole years ago’ the Islamic terror group have said. The group are said to have had several Jihadists living in the community working and living with the locals. One ISIS member told Newry Spud: “Thanks to Allah we are […]

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Club Cherri Ladies Toilet Clearly Used Exclusively By Pigs

28th October 2018

The Marine Tavern, Club Cherri ladies toilets are thought to have been occupied by a drift of pigs after last night we can confirm. The toilets are said to be left in a condition that even pigs and farm animals in general would turn their nose up at. We spoke to a Club Cherri cleaner […]

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Warrenpoint Teen Burns Penis After Copying ‘American Pie Scene’

26th October 2018

A 16 year old schoolboy who cannot be named for legal reasons ended up in Daisy Hill Hospital yesterday after copying a famous film scene it has emerged. The lad who had just come home found an apple tart his Ma just made in the kitchen & being a typical dirty little bollox he decided […]

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Newry Bus Driver Throws Teen Out Of Moving Bus For Paying With Note

13th October 2018

“Never try and pay for a bus ticket with a note”. That’s the advice being given by Ulsterbus today following an incident which saw a passenger thrown off a moving bus for trying to pay his fare with a £10 note. Ian Rooney, a bus driver for many years, ‘snapped’ when 15 year old Liam O’Hanlon tried to […]

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Coolio ‘Rethinking’ Warrenpoint Gig After Googling Warrenpoint

28th September 2018

US Rap Star Coolio has said he is ‘seriously rethinking’ his decision to play an intimate concert in Warrenpoint’s Number Seven Duke Street we can reveal. The ‘Gangster’s Paradise’ star is thought to be in serious doubt about coming over to The Point after actually googling the area. Coolio spoke to us via Skype from […]

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Warrenpoint ‘To Live In Newry’s Shadow’ Forever Say Locals

26th August 2018

Warrenpoint officials unveiled a new strategic vision for the Town today, one that aims to place Warrenpoint firmly in the shadow of its larger cousin, Newry for the foreseeable future. Independent Councillor Jarlath Tinnelly told Newry Spud: “This town has a proud tradition of dreaming big, and reaching higher, as long as those dreams are shorter than […]

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UNICEF Evacuate Warrenpoint Residents To Nearby Rostrevor

20th August 2018

A report from the world’s leading humanitarian charity UNICEF has declared that Warrenpoint is an ‘uninhabitable & toxic’ town and has set up emergency tents in the nearby village of Rostrevor for the thousands of refugees expected to leave the area. A UNICEF spokesman told Newry Spud: “We received reports from various concerned statutory bodies […]

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Pope Francis To Do DJ Set In Marine Tavern Saturday

19th August 2018

The Marine Tavern has announced that Pope Francis the 266th leader of the Catholic Church is to do a ‘guest set’ next Saturday night. Pope Francis who is known to have a keen interest in European House Trance is to do a 45 minute set before retiring to the nearby Canal Coury Hotel before celebrating Mass […]

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Marine Tavern DJ To Step In AS Barry Chuckle’s Replacement

6th August 2018

The world of comedy was shook yesterday with the news that Barry Chuckle, one part of the Chuckle Brothers passed away. But one local DJ has promised to ‘stand in’ and take over from Barry. John Jenkinson the DJ in The Marine Tavern will work alongside the surviving Chuckle Brother Paul. John told Newry Spud: […]

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Big O Arrested Over His ‘Horrendous Radio Adverts’

1st August 2018

The PSNI have arrested Warrenpoint comedian ‘Big O’ real name Oliver McMahon this morning in what eyewitnesses claim was a sensational swoop by heavily armed police personnel. It is understood the arrest is for the many years he put the people of Newry and the surrounding areas through with his annoying radio advertisements. One PSNI […]

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