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Sport

Down Fans To Get ‘Professional Help’ To Face Reality They’re Shite

4th December 2018

A new outreach program begins tomorrow to help delusional Down GAA fans to “face reality” and stop living in denial we can reveal. After spending the entire year of 2018 refusing to accept that they are no longer Gaelic Football’s aristocrats, Down fans have been offered free government sponsored counselling to help them start living […]

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£200K ‘Tennis Bubble’ For Newry – What To Fuck Is A Tennis Bubble?

19th November 2018

Almost £200,000 is to be paid by NMDC & Department for the Communities for a new ‘tennis bubble’ for a new state of the art tennis facility at Our Lady’s Grammar. Some locals have called on a massive bubble to be placed around the next council meeting and to be permanently locked after the decision. One local […]

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Shock As Coulter & McCartan Take Over Armagh Management

17th November 2018

Armagh football fans have been left reeling today with news that Down legends Benny Coulter & James McCartan have taken the reigns as the new management team of the Orchard County. The news was broke in an unusual fashion with the Armagh County Board opting to showcase the duo wearing the new 2019 county jersey. […]

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Calls For Calm As Tensions Rise Between Trainor’s & Carrickcruppen Darts Teams

11th November 2018

Local community leaders in Camlough along with the PSNI have called for calm after a recent fallout over a dart player we can sadly report. Sean ‘Bullseye’ Doyle from the village has opted to join Carrickcruppen darts team leaving behind a stunned and shell-shocked Trainor’s team. One insider Gavin Kane who asked not to be […]

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Mourinho In Camlough AFC Talks

17th October 2018

Sensational news has swept through the Newry area with the news that Jose Mourinho is now in the frame to take over the helm at Camlough AFC. According to reports in leading football circles, Camlough AFC’s director Jarly Smyth has flown to Manchester to speak terms with the Portuguese footballing genius. The move is seen […]

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SHOCK As Ballyholland GAA Switch Codes To ‘Street Fighting’

10th October 2018

There was shock through the south Down GAA community tonight after Ballyholland Harps have decided to end all Gaelic games to pursue ‘Combat Sports’ instead. The news comes just days after after the Harps had both an on and off field melee with Downpatrick RGU. A Ballyholland Harps GAC spokesman told Newry Spud: “It is […]

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Bessbrook Golfer Selected For European Ryder Cup Team

23rd August 2018

A Bessbrook man is to sensationally be selected for the European Ryder Cup team after winning the Ashfield Golf Captain’s Day tournament last weekend a European golfing insider confirmed tonight. Rodney Quinn from The Green Road who has up until now had what can only be described as a ‘fledgling’ golfing career will replace county […]

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Retired Camlough GAA Referee To Ref England v Tunisia Tonight

18th June 2018

A retired GAA referee has been sensationally drafted into the FIFA World Cup to take charge of this evening’s England v Tunisia game. Damian ‘Tiger’ McCullough who has long since hung up his whistle in favour of the commentators microphone got the call last night from Italian referee boss Pierluigi Collina. McCullough told Newry Spud: […]

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Bessbrook Hurlers Offer Referee To ‘Digging Match’ In The Pitt Car Park

4th June 2018

Two local hurlers from the Craobh Rua club based in Bessbrook and Camlough have asked a referee to a ‘fair dig’ we can reveal. This news comes after the two lads named locally as Nathan O’Shea & Ryan Diamond made their debuts last week for the club. One GAA insider told Newry Spud: “The two […]

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Armagh’s McDonnell To Lead Suicide Pact If Liverpool Lose

26th May 2018

Local Armagh GAA hero Steven McDonnell has said he is to lead a ‘mass suicide’ if Liverpool don’t win tonight. The Killeavy native who supports the greatest team on earth has said he will ‘take people to the land of Anfield Road’ if the Merseyside club don’t beat Madrid. A clearly unstable and emotional McDonnell […]

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