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Sport

Newry AFC Launch Women’s Lingerie Team ‘Newry Bouncers’

12th March 2019

Newry AFC will start their first women’s lingerie league in next month the IFA has announced. The team will play in the league with other scantily clad chicks and will be known as the ‘Newry City Bouncers’. The ‘Bouncers’ will kick off their league campaign at Newry’s Showground’s against the Ballymena Bears in April. There […]

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Local United Fans Slowly Crawling Out From Under Rocks

28th January 2019

Local Manchester United fans have been seen crawling out from under the large rocks that they have been hiding under for much of the last 2 months we can reveal. United who have had a remarkable change of fortunes after employing Ole Gunnar Solskjaer as their caretaker manager has also made local United fans pipe […]

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Russian Billionaire Purchases Bessbrook United F.C

14th January 2019

A Russian billionaire has had his bid to purchase Bessbrook United Football Club accepted, according to sources close to the club. Andrey Melnichenko who made his fortune in the oil industry, threw down his bid over the weekend, after closely following the side’s progress this season. Mr Melnichenko who has a personal fortune of over […]

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Down Fans To Get ‘Professional Help’ To Face Reality They’re Shite

4th December 2018

A new outreach program begins tomorrow to help delusional Down GAA fans to “face reality” and stop living in denial we can reveal. After spending the entire year of 2018 refusing to accept that they are no longer Gaelic Football’s aristocrats, Down fans have been offered free government sponsored counselling to help them start living […]

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£200K ‘Tennis Bubble’ For Newry – What To Fuck Is A Tennis Bubble?

19th November 2018

Almost £200,000 is to be paid by NMDC & Department for the Communities for a new ‘tennis bubble’ for a new state of the art tennis facility at Our Lady’s Grammar. Some locals have called on a massive bubble to be placed around the next council meeting and to be permanently locked after the decision. One local […]

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Shock As Coulter & McCartan Take Over Armagh Management

17th November 2018

Armagh football fans have been left reeling today with news that Down legends Benny Coulter & James McCartan have taken the reigns as the new management team of the Orchard County. The news was broke in an unusual fashion with the Armagh County Board opting to showcase the duo wearing the new 2019 county jersey. […]

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Calls For Calm As Tensions Rise Between Trainor’s & Carrickcruppen Darts Teams

11th November 2018

Local community leaders in Camlough along with the PSNI have called for calm after a recent fallout over a dart player we can sadly report. Sean ‘Bullseye’ Doyle from the village has opted to join Carrickcruppen darts team leaving behind a stunned and shell-shocked Trainor’s team. One insider Gavin Kane who asked not to be […]

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Mourinho In Camlough AFC Talks

17th October 2018

Sensational news has swept through the Newry area with the news that Jose Mourinho is now in the frame to take over the helm at Camlough AFC. According to reports in leading football circles, Camlough AFC’s director Jarly Smyth has flown to Manchester to speak terms with the Portuguese footballing genius. The move is seen […]

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SHOCK As Ballyholland GAA Switch Codes To ‘Street Fighting’

10th October 2018

There was shock through the south Down GAA community tonight after Ballyholland Harps have decided to end all Gaelic games to pursue ‘Combat Sports’ instead. The news comes just days after after the Harps had both an on and off field melee with Downpatrick RGU. A Ballyholland Harps GAC spokesman told Newry Spud: “It is […]

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Bessbrook Golfer Selected For European Ryder Cup Team

23rd August 2018

A Bessbrook man is to sensationally be selected for the European Ryder Cup team after winning the Ashfield Golf Captain’s Day tournament last weekend a European golfing insider confirmed tonight. Rodney Quinn from The Green Road who has up until now had what can only be described as a ‘fledgling’ golfing career will replace county […]

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