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South Down

Burren Woman Insists She Got Pregnant By ‘Broken Vibrator’

12th January 2019

A Burren woman claims she found herself pregnant after using a faulty vibrator we can reveal. The 29 year-old claims she has fallen victim to a mechanical failure of the device that was recently bought from Newry’s Ann Summers shop. She told Newry Spud: “I was starting to get familiar with my new toy when it made […]

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Gillian Fitzpatrick’s Hair Style Secrets Auctioned At Sotheby’s Auction House

2nd January 2019

Sotheby’s Auction House is a well-respected entity that auctions off anything from diamonds, fine wines and property.  An auction of a different kind took place recently.  Rights to SDLP Councillor Gillian Fitzpatrick’s hairstyling secrets were auctioned off and brought in a record amount of cash. One Sotheby’s spokesperson told Newry Spud: “This is very out […]

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Boy George Moves To Burren On ‘Humanitarian Mission’

5th December 2018

1980’s pop star and DJ Boy George has said he is to retire from public life and settle in the backward looking district of Burren we can reveal. Boy George who is a well known humanitarian worker has opened up about his mission in Burren to bring ‘humanity’ to the area. An emotional Boy George […]

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Down Fans To Get ‘Professional Help’ To Face Reality They’re Shite

4th December 2018

A new outreach program begins tomorrow to help delusional Down GAA fans to “face reality” and stop living in denial we can reveal. After spending the entire year of 2018 refusing to accept that they are no longer Gaelic Football’s aristocrats, Down fans have been offered free government sponsored counselling to help them start living […]

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Joy As 34 Year-Old Mayobridge Man Sends His First Email

3rd December 2018

There were joyous scenes in Mayobridge today after a 34 year-old man sent his first email we can reveal. The man who is unaccustomed to how the modern age operates and how technology is a daily part of people’s lives was said to be in a state of shock and wonder. One onlooker told Newry […]

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Leisure Centre To Open Pool For Derryleckagh Residents Annual Wash

20th November 2018

Excitement is building in the backward little townland of Derryleckagh today with news that the Newry Leisure Centre will open its doors on Friday for the residents to have their annual bath. A tradition that has been going on for many generations the council have kindly stepped in to facilitate the annual washing of the […]

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Burren Man Still Rocking Cool Water Like It’s 1994

18th November 2018

A Burren man still wears Cool Water aftershave we can reveal. Ciaran ShittyBootts believes he’s still current and ‘hip’ by wearing the aging aftershave that reminds most over 30’s of regret and bad decisions. Ciaran told Newry Spud about his fragrance choice saying: “I love Cool Water. It has always stood by me through the […]

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Mayobridge Like Stepping Into 1900’s TV Show Peaky Blinders

17th November 2018

Going to Mayobridge is like stepping into the TV show ‘Peaky Blinders’ we can reveal. The TV show set in 1900’s Birmingham is a massive hit in the starring Cillian Murphy as head of the Blinders Tommy Shelby. But it has been revealed that a visit to Mayobridge is like walking onto the set of […]

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Oscar Pistorius To Serve His Remaining Sentence In Burren

23rd October 2018

Former Olympian Oscar Pistorius was released today for the murder of his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Initial reports coming from the South African media was that he was to spend his six year sentence in South Africa but the Judge had an even worse fate in mind for the blade running maniac. The judge has ordered Mr […]

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New Jurassic Park Movie Set In ‘Prehistoric Village’ Mayobridge

22nd October 2018

A new movie from the Jurassic Park franchise is to be filmed in Mayobridge Steven Spielberg has announced today. Mayobridge was chosen for its Jurassic look and feel said film executives at a press conference in Los Angeles today. Steven Spielberg told Newry Spud: “Once I saw Mayobridge I was smitten. It is a perfect […]

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