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South Armagh

Newry Spud Readers New Year Gang Bang At Bernish Viewpoint

31st December 2018

The Newry Spud in conjunction with Newry Swingers Association has announced plans to hold a massive gang bang to ring in the New Year tonight at The Bernish Viewpoint we can reveal. Instead of traditional house parties or going to pubs and clubs they are offering a revolutionary way for you and your partner to […]

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Beats By Dre Release ‘Fighting Men From Crossmaglen’ Damien Quinn Edition

27th December 2018

The world’s leading manufacturer of music earphone has released the ‘Fighting Men From Crossmaglen’ special edition endorsed by local rebel balladeer Damien Quinn we can reveal. The £199 headset comes already pre-loaded with Quinn’s version of the song in a continuous loop for just over 9 hours giving the listener non-stop enjoyment of the song. […]

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Newtown Get Statue As Tribute To The Yoke Attached To Most Residents Foreheads

19th December 2018

A controversial new statue has been erected in Newtownhamilton over night by the Newry, Mourne & Down District Council causing some residents to call for the immediate removal of the new installation. The sculpture, which looks eerily similar to a male body part most often associated with the foreheads of 90% of Newtown’s population was […]

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Camlough Brothers Chosen As Santa’s Top Elves

18th December 2018

Santa has announced his three top elves this year will be Camlough brothers Gavin, Alan & Niall Kane we can confirm. The three oversized elves will be leaving for Lapland tonight when Rudolph is expected to pick them up at Carrickcruppen playing fields. A proud uncle of the elves Paul Garvey told Newry Spud: “Obviously […]

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“Now You Know How We Feel” Says Camlough After O2 Outage

7th December 2018

The residents of Camlough have said “now you know how we feel” after the O2 outage yesterday we can confirm. It is thought that the people of Camlough, the notorious ‘black spot’ for O2 mobile signals didn’t even notice the outage. Although one has to remember that this village is only now coming to terms […]

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Cross & Cullyhanna Residents To Fight On Saturday To See Who Is Friendliest Village

6th December 2018

The age old question of whether Crossmaglen has a warmer welcome and friendlier atmosphere than Cullyahnna could be answered this weekend, as residents from both areas arrange a mass brawl to finally get to the bottom of it. Roughly 200 residents from each district will meet at high noon on Saturday on neutral ground, in […]

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Yankee Candle Launch South Armagh Fragrances For Christmas

5th December 2018

Candle-makers Yankee Candles are to launch a new fragrance that smells of south Armagh we can reveal. Newry Yankee Candle Shop in the Buttercrane has developed the new range and believe it will be a massive hit for Christmas shoppers. Manager of the Yankee Candle Shop in the Buttercrane, told Newry Spud: “Yeah, they’re coming […]

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President G.W Bush To Be Laid To Rest In His Native Cullyhanna

4th December 2018

The 41st President of the United States of America George HW Bush is to be flown home to his native Cullyhanna for burial the White House has confirmed today. After an emotional ceremony in Washington Mr Bush will be flown by the Secret Service to Belfast international airport before being laid to rest in St […]

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Cross Family Facing Eviction After Saying They Don’t Like Dealer Boots

24th November 2018

A Crossmaglen family are facing eviction from their home after they declared they would rather wear comfortable running shoes than Dealer Boots on a daily basis. The young family have been left ‘shocked’ and ‘astounded’ at the public backlash they have received after the entire village protested outside their house last night carrying placards calling […]

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More Intelligent Life On Mars Than In Whitecross Say NASA

24th November 2018

NASA has released a report today saying there is more intelligent life on planet the Mars than there is in the entire district of Whitecross we can reveal. The report suggests that even though we are yet to make contact with alien life form on Mars there is known to be some form of bacterial […]

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