South Armagh

Bessbrook To Unveil Pablo Escobar Statue

17th July 2018

A controversial new statue will be unveiled in the model village of Bessbrook this Saturday we can reveal. The statue will be placed in the village centre and will depict the fallen drugs lord Pablo Escobar. One Bessbrook local told Newry Spud: “Bessbrook has a long and esteemed tradition and link with the drugs trade. […]

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Famous Camlough Pub To Become Strip Club – Diddy Dome

18th June 2018

One of Ireland’s oldest public houses is closing to become a strip bar we can report. Doyle’s pub and undertakers that have been serving the Camlough and wider district for well over a century has decided to ‘go in a new direction’. A spokeswoman for Doyle’s told Newry Spud: “The economy is killing small pubs. […]

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Retired Camlough GAA Referee To Ref England v Tunisia Tonight

18th June 2018

A retired GAA referee has been sensationally drafted into the FIFA World Cup to take charge of this evening’s England v Tunisia game. Damian ‘Tiger’ McCullough who has long since hung up his whistle in favour of the commentators microphone got the call last night from Italian referee boss Pierluigi Collina. McCullough told Newry Spud: […]

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You Know You’re From South Armagh When….

16th June 2018

We’ve put together 36 points that you’ll understand if you come from South Armagh. Here they are: 1. You or someone you know were in ‘The Ra’. 2. You could have made the County team if it weren’t for ‘The oul drink’. 3. You would rather talk about the price of Cattle/Sheep than the news […]

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Camlough Athlete Arrested Over £18 Ferry Crossing

11th June 2018

A Camlough man has been let off with a slap on the wrists today after he caused a ‘terrible scene’ at the ferry crossing from Greencastle to Greenore we can reveal. Paul ‘Tight Hole’ Watters a self proclaimed tri-athlete started a war of words over an £18 crossing that had Gardi and the PSNI on […]

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Willie Frazer Has Secret Meeting With Taoiseach Leo Varadkar

8th June 2018

The Newtownhamilton based campaigner Willie Frazer has held a secret meeting with the Irish Republic’s Taoiseach Leo Varadkar in a cow shed in Cullyhanna. The Taoiseach who was in Belfast meeting with the Orange Order and the Féile Belfast committee but he also secretly met the south Armagh man. A spokeswoman from the Taoiseach’s office […]

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Newry Continuity IRA Decommission ‘Significant Arms Cache’

8th June 2018

There has been a significant development in the peace process today after the Newry Continuity IRA decommissioned their weapons we can reveal. The weapons cache is of a surprisingly low calibre of weapons that are seemingly made out of wood from local trees. A local CIRA insider told Newry Spud: “We’ve taken the brave and […]

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Former Mayor McGinn To Wear Satin Leopard Print Robe In Memory Of Friend Stringfellow

7th June 2018

A former Newry & Mourne Mayor has said he will wear his satin leopard print robe for two days mourning in memory of his ‘old friend’ Peter Stringfellow. Pat McGinn the Camlough based former 3 time world champion of lies is said to be ‘deeply saddened’ by the strip club owners passing. A visibly shocked […]

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Bessbrook Hurlers Offer Referee To ‘Digging Match’ In The Pitt Car Park

4th June 2018

Two local hurlers from the Craobh Rua club based in Bessbrook and Camlough have asked a referee to a ‘fair dig’ we can reveal. This news comes after the two lads named locally as Nathan O’Shea & Ryan Diamond made their debuts last week for the club. One GAA insider told Newry Spud: “The two […]

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PSNI Called As Outgoing Chairperson Refuses To Handover ‘Big Necklace’

4th June 2018

The PSNI were called to Newry Mourne and Down District Council this morning when outgoing Chairperson Roisin Mulgrew refused to hand over her ‘lovely big necklace’ we can reveal. Councillor Mulgrew who just finished her term as Chairperson has got so used to wearing the chains of office that she will not hand them over. […]

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