South Armagh

Cullyhanna Man Stuns New Work Colleagues By Having A Posh Accent

27th October 2018

A 32 year old man from Cullyhanna who started work last week in Teleperformance has shocked and stunned his co-workers by having a posh voice it has been revealed. Peader Wellyboots who lives in Cullyhanna greeted his new colleagues by saying “Good morning everyone, such a delight to be here with you all, let’s have […]

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19 Year-Old Bessbrook Girl In ‘Immaculate Conception’ Birth

23rd October 2018

The pregnancy of a 19-year old girl from Bessbrook has attracted a lot of attention and interest over the last few days, as a growing number of scientists and doctors have proved unable to find an explanation to her astounding case. The teen found herself pregnant while studying for exams, during a three week activity […]

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Willie Frazer Blames Sinn Féin & IRA On Evenings Getting Shorter

21st October 2018

Willie Frazer has blamed the IRA & Sinn Fein for the recent shortening of the evenings. The IRA was responsible for the darker days whereas Sinn Fein were responsible for the sun coming up later. According to Frazer, it is a well-co-ordinated attack on the God fearing people of Shandon Park and Mullaglass. In a […]

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Silverbridge Teen Sues Parents For ‘Awful DNA’

21st October 2018

A Silverbridge teenager has sued his parents today citing ‘poor DNA’ as his reason. 16 year-old Dara Webtoes said he can no longer function properly in society due to his compromised DNA after it has emerged that his parents are in actually fact brother and sister meaning that his mother is his aunt and his […]

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Bessbrook Woman’s Hair Survive Winds

17th October 2018

A Bessbrook woman has defied modern science after her hair didn’t move one inch through a hurricane. Gemma Murphy who literally wakes up with her hair perfectly intact said she’s ‘proud’ of her achievement. Gemma told Newry Spud: “The recent hurricane in Panama city gave me a great opportunity to prove to the international community […]

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Mourinho In Camlough AFC Talks

17th October 2018

Sensational news has swept through the Newry area with the news that Jose Mourinho is now in the frame to take over the helm at Camlough AFC. According to reports in leading football circles, Camlough AFC’s director Jarly Smyth has flown to Manchester to speak terms with the Portuguese footballing genius. The move is seen […]

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Dan’s Bar ‘Know It All’ To Solve World’s Problems

16th October 2018

The local know-it-all that drinks in Dan’s Bar will solve all the world’s problems he has said. Francie Doherty from the Green Road who knows more than you do holds court at the local watering hole most days. In response to the revelation, barman Art McKeown told Newry Spud: “I seriously fucking doubt that anything […]

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Survey Shows 10 Out Of 10 Mullaghbawn Residents Share Same DNA

15th October 2018

A survey carried out by Ancestry.com has revealed a shocking statistic. We can reveal today that 10 out of 10 random people selected in Mullaghbawn are related to each other. The news has sent shockwaves through the international and local genetics world with leading scientists at a loss at the high levels of close DNA […]

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Boy In Daisy Hill To Have O’Neill’s Skinny Bottoms Removed

15th October 2018

A young Camlough man was rushed to Daisy Hill Hospital this morning for emergency surgery it has been revealed. The victim who cannot be named for legal reasons but is believed to be a 16 year old male needed surgery to remove his ridiculously tight fitting O’Neill’s leggings that he has been wearing for 3 […]

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Former Councillor Colman Burns Named As New James Bond

14th October 2018

A former Newry, Mourne & Down Councillor is sensationally set to become the first Irishman to play James Bond we can reveal. Colman Burns an amateur stage actor was approached by EON Productions Limited who make the James Bond films. A clearly shocked Burns spoke to us from his cow shed in the south Armagh […]

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