South Armagh

South Armagh Men Hold Vigil For Lost Dealer Boots In Primark Fire

29th August 2018

A bus full of south Armagh men left Crossmaglen this morning to travel to the site of the Primark building in Belfast after it was destroyed by fire. The men travelled to the site in order to hold a small candlelight vigil in honour of the ‘many Dealer Boots’ destroyed in the fire. One man […]

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Bessbrook Golfer Selected For European Ryder Cup Team

23rd August 2018

A Bessbrook man is to sensationally be selected for the European Ryder Cup team after winning the Ashfield Golf Captain’s Day tournament last weekend a European golfing insider confirmed tonight. Rodney Quinn from The Green Road who has up until now had what can only be described as a ‘fledgling’ golfing career will replace county […]

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Pope Turns Down Frazer Meeting Saying ‘Even I’m Not That Bat Shit Crazy’ To Meet Him

22nd August 2018

Pope Francis has said that even though he is ‘God’s representative on earth’ that even he is not that ‘bat shit’ crazy to meet with Willie Frazer after turning down and invitation to meet the Newtwonhamilton man. Pope Francis who spent years meeting and talking with members of Argentina’s military Junta said he would rather […]

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Camlough Man ‘Not Gay’ After Facebook Post

1st August 2018

A Camlough man has ‘come out’ to let people know that he is not gay we can confirm. Dermo Feely was left red-faced on Monday when his Facebook header image was maliciously changed to a rainbow flag proclaiming that he was ‘Out & Proud’. A clearly agitated Feely told Newry Spud: “I got hundreds of […]

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Forkhill Teen Burns Penis After Copying ‘American Pie Scene’

31st July 2018

A 16 year old schoolboy who cannot be named for legal reasons ended up in Daisy Hill Hospital yesterday after copying a famous film scene it has emerged. The lad who had just come home found an apple tart his Ma just made in the kitchen & being a typical dirty little bollox he decided […]

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Meigh Man Opens Second Hand Tyre Business

30th July 2018

A Meigh man has opened up his own second hand tyre business after finding several hundred discarded tyres while out for a run we can report. Dermot Winters said he found the tyres seemingly dumped on the side of the road and like any south Armagh man he saw the opportunity to make a lock […]

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Dromintee Farmer Arested In Primark After Sex Act With Dealer Boots

25th July 2018

A south Armagh farmer was arrested in Primark today after he ‘became excited’ at the selection of dealer boots on offer it’s been reported. 68 year old Peader ShitKicker from Dromintee removed his penis and began to put his member into the boots. One terrified lady who was an unsuspecting onlooker told Newry Spud: “I […]

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Tensions In Art McCooey Park Between Bin Men & Residents Escalate

21st July 2018

A war of words and threats has erupted in the usually quiet and picturesque surroundings of Art McCooey Park in Glasdrumman we can reveal. The trouble is following on from the same trend in Newtownhamilton and is over Wheelie Bin collections with some residents ‘threatening to take matters into their own hands’ according to locals. We […]

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Willie Frazer Diagnosed With ‘Terminal Stupidity’

21st July 2018

Willie Frazer the self-proclaimed bastion of all things good and Protestant shocked his handful of fans today when he revealed that he has been diagnosed with an extremely rare and aggressive form of stupidity.  Frazer said the stupidity was at such an advanced stage when it was discovered that there is very little that can […]

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Wagner Spotted In Crossmaglen After Wedding Appearance

19th July 2018

Crossmaglen has been welcoming one of its strangest visitors this week with news that a former X-Factor star was in the village. Wagner who came 7th in the 2010 series of the popular show was in the area visiting for the wedding of Mr & Mrs Seán & Rachel Clarke in the Carrickdale Hotel. One […]

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