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Crossmaglen

Crossmaglen To Appear On ITV’s Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover

15th January 2019

ITV’s 60 Minute Makeover has revealed its toughest challenge yet this week, as they prepare to transform the entire village of Crossmaglen. Normally accustomed to refurbishing living rooms and kitchens, the design team will attempt to give every corner of the village a ‘face lift’ within a 60-minute time-frame. Although excited about the episode, the […]

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Crossmaglen 12 O’Clock Mass Turns Into An Absolute Rave Session

13th January 2019

The Sunday mass at 12am this morning In Crossmaglen’s in St Patrick’s Chapel is said to have descended into an absolute RAVE we can reveal. Mass goers have expressed their sheer delight at the Mass saying the organist Bridie DealerBoots absolutely smashed protocol open when she played tunes from Tiesto, Armin Van Buuren, Nina Kraviz, […]

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Féin In Ma Kearney’s Pub To Solve All World Problems

4th January 2019

The local know-it-all that drinks in Ma Kearney’s who claims to know what is wrong with the world will indeed be able to solve the world’s problems, it can be revealed. In response to the revelation, barman Fergal DealerBoots told Newry Spud : “I seriously fucking doubt this claim. He’s in this pub, day in […]

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Beats By Dre Release ‘Fighting Men From Crossmaglen’ Damien Quinn Edition

27th December 2018

The world’s leading manufacturer of music earphone has released the ‘Fighting Men From Crossmaglen’ special edition endorsed by local rebel balladeer Damien Quinn we can reveal. The £199 headset comes already pre-loaded with Quinn’s version of the song in a continuous loop for just over 9 hours giving the listener non-stop enjoyment of the song. […]

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Cross & Cullyhanna Residents To Fight On Saturday To See Who Is Friendliest Village

6th December 2018

The age old question of whether Crossmaglen has a warmer welcome and friendlier atmosphere than Cullyahnna could be answered this weekend, as residents from both areas arrange a mass brawl to finally get to the bottom of it. Roughly 200 residents from each district will meet at high noon on Saturday on neutral ground, in […]

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Cross Family Facing Eviction After Saying They Don’t Like Dealer Boots

24th November 2018

A Crossmaglen family are facing eviction from their home after they declared they would rather wear comfortable running shoes than Dealer Boots on a daily basis. The young family have been left ‘shocked’ and ‘astounded’ at the public backlash they have received after the entire village protested outside their house last night carrying placards calling […]

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Council Put Crossmaglen Up For Sale On eBay

20th October 2018

Newry, Mourne & Down District Council’s decision to put the village of Crossmaglen on eBay has backfired today, as residents of the village collectively decided that they’d rather not be sold. The listing, which is offering buyers the chance to own the entire village and all within it, has been live since last Thursday with a […]

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‘The Only Way Is Cross’ To Hit TV Screens Tonight

10th October 2018

ITV has announced plans to launch a spin off from ‘The Only Eay Is Essex’ only changing the location to the backward village of Crossmaglen. The show ‘The Only Eay Is Cross’ or ‘TOWIC’ will chronicle the lives of a group of friends growing up in the south Armagh village. Filmed on location, the early episodes will […]

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Lismore Park Wins ‘Best British Housing Estate’ Award

1st October 2018

There was scenes of joy today as news filtered through that Lismore Park in Crossmaglen was awarded ‘Britain’s Best Kept Housing Estate’ we can reveal. Union Jack flags are currently being erected in the little housing development with locals excitedly awaiting Prince Charles’ visit next Saturday to unveil a plaque to celebrate the achievement. Newry […]

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Newry To Crossmaglen Night Bus To Be An Armoured Military Vehicle

3rd September 2018

The news that a late night bus service from Newry to Crossmaglen will become operational has been greeted warmly by the community. Crossmaglen shit kickers will now be able to access the modern world by jumping on a bus into the metropolis that is Newry however Ulsterbus has said the ‘bus’ will be a decommissioned […]

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