Jesus Christ Our Lord & Saviour himself has appeared outside Newry Town Hall this evening with a message to a gathered crowd who are protesting the showing of the stage play ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ we can reveal.
Jesus came down from the heavens in what one onlooker said was a ‘majestic’ sight.
Jesus told the assembled protesters from the Free Presbyterians of Ulster:
“Fuck sake wise up you lot. This is the one time I get to be a superstar and not just some weird Jew carpenter. Go home and have a lock of pints if you’re not coming into watch the play. Bless you all.”