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Friar Tuck’s Snack Box Not Fatty Enough Claims Newry Woman

There have been calls for a Health & Safety inquiry into Newry’s iconic fast-food restaurant Friar Tucks after several local women reported dramatic weight loss.

The claims come just weeks after 24-stone High Street woman Helen Fatspatrick reported finding almost no grease in the bottom of her Friar Tuck’s snack box.

Helen told Newry Spud:

“I’ve gone from a healthy 18 stone to just 16 stone over the past couple of months, and I’m beginning to get alarmed. I only bought these purple leggings in Primark in September and already they’re just hanging off me.”

But a Friar Tucks spokesman told Newry Spud:

“It takes several minutes for the grease to collect in the bottom of the snack box. Thon fat cunt had the snack box eaten before she even got to her seat.”