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Parents Across Newry Plan Gang Bang As Kids Go Back To School

Parents all over Newry are planning on holding wild naked house parties tonight to celebrate the fact that their kids are back to school we can reveal.

Newry PSNI has been put on standby to deal with the carnage of deliriously happy parents.

We spoke to some excited patents who told Newry Spud:

“I CANNOT wait baah. My kid’s been a right little fuckers this past few weeks. I’ve been ticking the days off my Nathan Carter calendar one by one and the day is here!

Once I’ve dropped him off at the school gates, I’m going to take off all my clothes and run naked down Monaghan Street to celebrate.”

Mother-of-four, Sheila Fatspatrick said:

“I’ve managed to get through this Christmas time via Class A drugs and heavy sedation.”