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La Dolce Vita Now Injecting Your Pizza Directly Into Arteries

Newry pizza outlet La Dolce Vita has come up with a brand new innovative measure to get their pizzas into the systems of their loyal patrons we can reveal.

Starting from tonight you will now be given the option to have the pizza put into a blender until it is into a liquid form and then be administered by intravenous injection straight into your arteries.

A La Dolce Vita spokesman told Newry Spud:

“We think this will be a great success. Essentially we are cutting out the middle man and sending our fat and lard directly into your artery system. Its 2018, who really wants to chew and enjoy taste and flavours? There’s simply no time for that shit anymore.”