Month: August 2017

Camlough Woman Speaks Out About Make-Up Theft

30th August 2017

A Camlough woman has spoken out about her heartache and sorrow after her makeup bag containing £300 worth of slap was stolen from her locker in the Newry Sports centre we can reveal. Jackie ‘Bronzer’ McCormack has said she cannot leave her home as people would not be able to recognise her without her face […]

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Dead Heat In Carlingford Lough Ferry Naming Rights

29th August 2017

Carlingford Lough Ferries were left red-faced earlier today then the on line poll to choose the new name for the new ferry ended in a dead heat with the joint winners each receiving 19,943 votes. The owners of the new ferry told Newry Spud: “Following the popular on line poll in England to name the […]

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Bradley Walsh Tells Old Newry Men To ‘Stop Shouting Answers At TV’ It’s Distracting

29th August 2017

Bradley Walsh the host of the ITV quiz programme ‘The Chase’ has confirmed he can hear you screaming the answers through the TV we can reveal. The news comes after an online poll suggested 97% of all Newry Grandas ‘shout like fuck’ at the TV when they know an answer to look ‘smart’ in front […]

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Bolt & Farah To Join Newry City Runners/Swingers

29th August 2017

The world of international athletics has been rocked today with rumours that two former greats are to join Newry City Runners. Newry City Runners (NCR) best known not for their prowess in the field of athletics but for their swinging parties and gang bangs are said to be excited with the news that Usain Bolt […]

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Mayweather & McGregor Admit In His Prime ‘Lofty Would Beat Us Both’

26th August 2017

Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor have both admitted last night at the weigh-in for their mega money fight that neither of them could have beat Gerald ‘Lofty’ Larkin in his prime. Mayweather said while he has yet to meet Larkin; one of Ireland’s best fighters he has heard enough to know that he wouldn’t last […]

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Newry Shut Down For Annual Derrybeg Canal Wash

21st August 2017

The Mall in Newry will be closed today from 2pm until 7pm for the annual wash of Derrybeg, Parkhead and Barcroft residents the Council have confirmed. The annual ‘Canal Wash’ is underway and is expected to see 4,623 families from the ghettos of Newry cleaned. It has been described as ‘Ireland’s biggest ever community bath.’ […]

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Newry Rose Of Tralee Revealed For Tonight’s Live Event

21st August 2017

The Newry Rose of Tralee contestant has been revealed this morning as 42 year-old Briege Fatspatrick who will appear on RTE tonight representing the parish we can reveal. Fatspatrick from the Derrybeg ghetto area has beaten off several other ladies in the tightly contested competition to show the positive image of the Greater Newry area. […]

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Newry Man ‘Never Drinking Again’ In The Hibs Club At 9am

20th August 2017

A Newry man who woke up dying a death after a heavy session last night swore he’s never drinking again at 8:45am but is already contemplating a cure in the Newry Hibs Club at 9.30am. Jim FatBalls who went out yesterday for ‘a few’ with the lads can’t remember coming home last night and has […]

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Sex Video Of Frazer Leaked (Click At Own Risk)

19th August 2017

Newry Spud has been sent a sensational video claiming to show south Armagh victims campaigner Willie Frazer using the services of an obese ‘working lady’ we can reveal. The video sent in to us anonymously is of such graphic nature we have included it in this article but cannot show any screen shots of the […]

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Newry GILF’s Devestated BBC’s Poldark Is Over

19th August 2017

The lonely grannies of the Newry area are busy looking for a new piece of fluff to strum their banjo string to after Poldark has finished for the year. With a massive following of old horny oul dolls across Newry, Poldark was central to helping GILF’s get their weekly ‘release’. One Newry GILF Lilly MeatFlapps […]

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