“I Leave At Rush Hour On Purpose”, Admits Newry Farmer


A South Down farmer purposely sets off at rush hour to cause maximum disruption, he has revealed.

Peader Hallion, from Saval, leaves his yard at precisely 4:55pm, ensuring he joins the traffic just as it’s reaching its busiest period of the day.

“I just hate people”, explained the 55-year-old today. “Most days I don’t even have anything to transport, I just drive up and down the road causing shit. Nothing pleases me more than watching you cautiously edge your car out to see if you can overtake me before thumping your steering wheel when you realise you can’t. You fucking morons”.

He continued: “Also, you know all that fertilizer I spread over the fields by your house? I’m not even growing anything, I don’t even own the fields, I just want the first thing you smell in the morning to be raw shit”.