Independent Councillor Kevin McAteer’s Image To Appear On Every Holy Communion Wafer Until After Elections

Local Independent Councillor Kevin McAteer’s image will now appear in all local Chapel’s Holy Communion wafers it has emerged. After this week announcing that he will donate his council earnings to charity the local Independent politician had a Skype meeting with the Pope who was so impressed my McAteer’s act of charity that he instructed […]

Newry Man ‘Friend-Zoned’

Twenty-two-year-old Colm Kearns, a local retail worker, thought he was in for a light, romantic evening when he was suddenly shot down and ‘Friend-Zoned’ by his crush. Kearns survived but is in emotionally critical condition. The incident happened last night around 8pm Sources say Kearns was on his way home from work when he decided to profess his love […]

Newry Cathedral To Install USB Phone Chargers In Seats

The Newry Cathedral announced during service last Sunday that they will be installing USB ports in their seats so that parishioners can charge their phones while attending Mass. Bishop Fr John McAreavey explained that with people bringing their phones everywhere, the church is showing that they’re relevant and accepting of modern times. He added that with declining numbers of people attending church, the […]