Newry Woman Clearly ‘Deluded’ Thinking She Looks Like Young Daughter

14th October 2018

A 53 year-old Newry woman who claims people regularly mistake her for her 22-year-old daughter is clearly a lying fantasist. Claire Fatspatrick told Newry Spud: “Although I’m more than twice her age, my amazing figure and youthful complexion mean that friends often mistake me for my daughter, Gráinne. “Either that or they think we’re sisters. It […]

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Former Councillor Colman Burns Named As New James Bond

14th October 2018

A former Newry, Mourne & Down Councillor is sensationally set to become the first Irishman to play James Bond we can reveal. Colman Burns an amateur stage actor was approached by EON Productions Limited who make the James Bond films. A clearly shocked Burns spoke to us from his cow shed in the south Armagh […]

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New Refugees To Live In Willie Frazer’s Spare Room

13th October 2018

If you come to the Newry area from Syria, Iraq or Afghanistan you will be forced to live in Newtonhamilton and worse still in Willie Frazer’s spare bedroom the Home Office have announced. The frightening new threat will surely end the asylum issue in Ireland once and for all. The news comes after scores of […]

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Newry Bus Driver Throws Teen Out Of Moving Bus For Paying With Note

13th October 2018

“Never try and pay for a bus ticket with a note”. That’s the advice being given by Ulsterbus today following an incident which saw a passenger thrown off a moving bus for trying to pay his fare with a £10 note. Ian Rooney, a bus driver for many years, ‘snapped’ when 15 year old Liam O’Hanlon tried to […]

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Kimmins Sparkles At Surprise Royal Wedding Appearance

12th October 2018

Sinn Féin councillor Liz Kimmins stunned onlookers today at her friend Princess Eugenie’s wedding we can report. Ms Kimmins, the on/off long-time girlfriend of Prince Harry was described as ‘radiant’ and ‘absolutely glowing’ as she accompanied Prince Harry to the star studded wedding. Liz took time out to tell us about her dress, she told […]

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Meigh Has Busy Period As Flock Of Pigeons Fly Through

12th October 2018

The somewhat inbred and backward village of Meigh sprung into life this morning after a flock of pigeons passed through on their way to Dublin, we can reveal. Arriving on Friday morning, the 27 strong group of pigeons stayed around the Killeavy and Meigh area for around half an hour, ensuring the 12th of October 2018 will […]

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Emmet Crossan Opens ‘Blow & Go’ Cannabis Cafe In Newry

12th October 2018

News that a new cannabis Café is to open in Newry has been met with mixed reaction. The Café will be situated on Monaghan Street and is to be called ‘Blow & Go’. The new owner Emmet Crossan formerly of the CISTA political party has found a loophole in the current law that forbids any […]

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Newry Bus Driver Sacked After Not Returning Wave Or Flashing Lights At Fellow Driver

11th October 2018

A bus driver from Newry has found himself jobless today after a tribunal hearing found him guilty of ‘not bothering to return a wave from a fellow bus driver coming in the opposite direction’. Paul Hughes, who had only been employed by Ulster Bus for three months, was dismissed after CCTV footage exposed him purposely dismissing […]

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The Shelbourne Bakery Lose ISIS Cake Court Case

11th October 2018

A Newry court has ruled in favour of ‘Jihadi Paddy’, the Leader of a Derrybeg based ISIS unit, in a lawsuit stemming from two years ago when a local bakery denied him service. The Judge concluded unanimously that the bakery had violated civil rights laws by discriminating against the ISIS man when they refused to […]

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Newry Woman Has Another Baby To Increase Facebook ‘Likes’

11th October 2018

A Newry woman has admitted that her primary reason for having a child was so she could upload more photos of herself on Facebook, it’s been revealed. Claire Fatspatrick, from Derrybeg, used to upload around twelve filtered photographs of herself daily, but was quickly running out of good enough reasons to do it. Newry Spud spoke to Claire and she […]

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