Man’s Friar Tucks Meal Robbed After He Posts Facebook Pic

9th August 2018

Newry PSNI has confirmed they are investigating a most unusual theft we can reveal. A man who innocently posted a photo to social media of his Friar Tucks meal had it stolen literally from under his nose. A PSNI spokeswoman told Newry Spud: “The man posted his meal to Facebook and it was liked and […]

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Newry Taxi Firm To Close As Best Customer Finally Passes Driving Test

9th August 2018

A Newry based taxi firm has said they are on the verge of closing after their number one customer finally passed his driving test at the age of 36 we can reveal. Christopher Quinn who bravely donated one of his kidneys said he hopes he’ll get a mobility car. However there are questions over his […]

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Tony Smith Appointed Russia Special Envoy For Culture & Arts

8th August 2018

RUSSIA has appointed Newry action star Tony Smith, who shares a close friendship with Vladimir Putin, as a special envoy to the Irish for “culture, arts and youth.” The extraordinary move was announced by the Russian Foreign Ministry and the national TV station RT. A statement said: “It’s a case of people’s diplomacy intersecting with […]

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Newry Is ‘Perfect Location’ For New Zombie Movie

7th August 2018

The city of Newry has successfully bid to be the filming location for the much anticipated Day OF The Dead: Bloodline, which starts principal photography in October Newry Spud can confirm. The decision to choose Newry has been met with controversy as locals say the film makers are taking advantage of the small city’s struggling […]

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Julie WideFlapps On Being Caught Doing The Double And Her Gynaecologist Visit

7th August 2018

Had an appointment this morning with the Gynaecologist in Daisy Hill. No point shaving my minge so I gave a good brushing. A girl needs to make herself presentable. He asked me to spread my legs. Okay no, he said “madam please remove your bottom clothing and make yourself comfortable on the bed”. He then […]

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Marine Tavern DJ To Step In AS Barry Chuckle’s Replacement

6th August 2018

The world of comedy was shook yesterday with the news that Barry Chuckle, one part of the Chuckle Brothers passed away. But one local DJ has promised to ‘stand in’ and take over from Barry. John Jenkinson the DJ in The Marine Tavern will work alongside the surviving Chuckle Brother Paul. John told Newry Spud: […]

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Big O Arrested Over His ‘Horrendous Radio Adverts’

1st August 2018

The PSNI have arrested Warrenpoint comedian ‘Big O’ real name Oliver McMahon this morning in what eyewitnesses claim was a sensational swoop by heavily armed police personnel. It is understood the arrest is for the many years he put the people of Newry and the surrounding areas through with his annoying radio advertisements. One PSNI […]

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Camlough Man ‘Not Gay’ After Facebook Post

1st August 2018

A Camlough man has ‘come out’ to let people know that he is not gay we can confirm. Dermo Feely was left red-faced on Monday when his Facebook header image was maliciously changed to a rainbow flag proclaiming that he was ‘Out & Proud’. A clearly agitated Feely told Newry Spud: “I got hundreds of […]

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Forkhill Teen Burns Penis After Copying ‘American Pie Scene’

31st July 2018

A 16 year old schoolboy who cannot be named for legal reasons ended up in Daisy Hill Hospital yesterday after copying a famous film scene it has emerged. The lad who had just come home found an apple tart his Ma just made in the kitchen & being a typical dirty little bollox he decided […]

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Map Of Ugly Parts Of Newry Launched Today

31st July 2018

A new ugly map of the Newry area has been published, showing exactly where the ugliest people live. The map shows a high percentage of ugly people in and around Parkhead and the isolated parts of south Down and south Armagh. The map was produced by someone who had fuck all to do with their […]

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