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Iceland Employee Wins Guinness Record For Saying Word ‘Love’ 26,856 Times In One Shift

6th December 2018

A Newry Iceland employee has been entered into the Guinness Book of World Records with the prestigious award of calling customers ‘love’ the most times in one day. At a celebration event in the Newry store Guinness representatives gave Tanya Morgan her certificate after they revealed she managed to squeeze in an eye watering 26,856 […]

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Joy & Shock As Traces Of Water Found In Newry Canal

6th December 2018

After years of industrial and agricultural toxins along with shopping trolleys being dumped in the Newry Canal the Northern Ireland Environment Agency released encouraging test results this week indicating that the Newry Canal is once again showing trace levels of water. Sources say the dilution of the toxins was aided by plentiful pre-existing river pollutants […]

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Cross & Cullyhanna Residents To Fight On Saturday To See Who Is Friendliest Village

6th December 2018

The age old question of whether Crossmaglen has a warmer welcome and friendlier atmosphere than Cullyahnna could be answered this weekend, as residents from both areas arrange a mass brawl to finally get to the bottom of it. Roughly 200 residents from each district will meet at high noon on Saturday on neutral ground, in […]

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Yankee Candle Launch South Armagh Fragrances For Christmas

5th December 2018

Candle-makers Yankee Candles are to launch a new fragrance that smells of south Armagh we can reveal. Newry Yankee Candle Shop in the Buttercrane has developed the new range and believe it will be a massive hit for Christmas shoppers. Manager of the Yankee Candle Shop in the Buttercrane, told Newry Spud: “Yeah, they’re coming […]

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Boy George Moves To Burren On ‘Humanitarian Mission’

5th December 2018

1980’s pop star and DJ Boy George has said he is to retire from public life and settle in the backward looking district of Burren we can reveal. Boy George who is a well known humanitarian worker has opened up about his mission in Burren to bring ‘humanity’ to the area. An emotional Boy George […]

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Down Fans To Get ‘Professional Help’ To Face Reality They’re Shite

4th December 2018

A new outreach program begins tomorrow to help delusional Down GAA fans to “face reality” and stop living in denial we can reveal. After spending the entire year of 2018 refusing to accept that they are no longer Gaelic Football’s aristocrats, Down fans have been offered free government sponsored counselling to help them start living […]

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President G.W Bush To Be Laid To Rest In His Native Cullyhanna

4th December 2018

The 41st President of the United States of America George HW Bush is to be flown home to his native Cullyhanna for burial the White House has confirmed today. After an emotional ceremony in Washington Mr Bush will be flown by the Secret Service to Belfast international airport before being laid to rest in St […]

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Friar Tuck’s Snack Box Not Fatty Enough Claims Newry Woman

4th December 2018

There have been calls for a Health & Safety inquiry into Newry’s iconic fast-food restaurant Friar Tucks after several local women reported dramatic weight loss. The claims come just weeks after 24-stone High Street woman Helen Fatspatrick reported finding almost no grease in the bottom of her Friar Tuck’s snack box. Helen told Newry Spud: […]

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Joy As 34 Year-Old Mayobridge Man Sends His First Email

3rd December 2018

There were joyous scenes in Mayobridge today after a 34 year-old man sent his first email we can reveal. The man who is unaccustomed to how the modern age operates and how technology is a daily part of people’s lives was said to be in a state of shock and wonder. One onlooker told Newry […]

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Want Your Balls Waxed Or Pubes Trimmed? Call Into The Man Shack

25th November 2018

A Newry barber is to offer its clients ‘pubic cultivation’ we can reveal. The Man Shack who has said the demand for men’s pubic areas to be trimmed has reached an all-time high. A Man’s Shack spokesman told Newry Spud: “Usually we would have offered the pubic hair treatment as a ‘special favour’ to our best clients […]

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