Finalists For ‘Face Of Buttercrane 2019’ Announced

19th October 2018

The finalists for the very keenly contested ‘Face Of Buttercrane 2019’ have been released this evening. The eight finalists are said to have captured the hearts of the judging panel with their ‘inherent beauty’ and for their ‘Newry look’. Buttercrane manager Peter Murray told Newry Spud: “We were very impressed with the quality of the […]

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A Nostalgic Look Back At 90’s Trends In Newry

19th October 2018

We’ve decided to have a nostalgic look back at the trends and fashions from the 1990’s in Newry. How can we forget the Adidas tracksuit popper bottoms that have made a massive comeback this year with Rhianna and others sporting the infamous trackies. The Umbro jumper, this came usually in grey and navy and was […]

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Teleperformance Requirement For A Job Is To String 3 Words Together

19th October 2018

Newry’s Call Centre Teleperformance has upped their standard and in future any employee must at least be able to speak 3 words without falling over. Previously there were no official requirements in order to get a job in the Call Centre but Teleperformance have said due to several failings in their recruitment process they had […]

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Woman In Daisy Hill After Plastic Bags In Kitchen Cupboard Swamp Her

19th October 2018

A Newry woman has been rushed to hospital after being swamped by plastic shopping bags when she opened one of her kitchen cupboards. Maureen Keenan was preparing to visit Tesco’s when the accident happened. She told Newry Spud: “I always forget to take the frigging things and I always end up paying about £2 just […]

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Drone Operator Shocked At Catching Dogging Footage

19th October 2018

An amateur drone operator from Newry has accidentally discovered a popular ‘dogging’ site near the Bernish View Point Area, and his footage is going viral. A clearlyt shocked Mark Pearce told Newry Spud: “I only wanted to film some migrating birds. Those were certainly not the type of tits or swallows I was expecting to […]

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Bessbrook Woman’s Hair Survive Winds

17th October 2018

A Bessbrook woman has defied modern science after her hair didn’t move one inch through a hurricane. Gemma Murphy who literally wakes up with her hair perfectly intact said she’s ‘proud’ of her achievement. Gemma told Newry Spud: “The recent hurricane in Panama city gave me a great opportunity to prove to the international community […]

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Mourinho In Camlough AFC Talks

17th October 2018

Sensational news has swept through the Newry area with the news that Jose Mourinho is now in the frame to take over the helm at Camlough AFC. According to reports in leading football circles, Camlough AFC’s director Jarly Smyth has flown to Manchester to speak terms with the Portuguese footballing genius. The move is seen […]

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Dan’s Bar ‘Know It All’ To Solve World’s Problems

16th October 2018

The local know-it-all that drinks in Dan’s Bar will solve all the world’s problems he has said. Francie Doherty from the Green Road who knows more than you do holds court at the local watering hole most days. In response to the revelation, barman Art McKeown told Newry Spud: “I seriously fucking doubt that anything […]

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Burren Seeking New Village Idiot

16th October 2018

The village of Burren is advertising for a full-time village idiot in a bid to satisfy the curiosity of wealthy tourists it was revealed today. Burren has bags of cultural appeal, being the home of Frank Mitchell & former Armagh football manager Paddy O’Rourke. Now the council is seeking to hire a village idiot who will […]

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Survey Shows 10 Out Of 10 Mullaghbawn Residents Share Same DNA

15th October 2018

A survey carried out by Ancestry.com has revealed a shocking statistic. We can reveal today that 10 out of 10 random people selected in Mullaghbawn are related to each other. The news has sent shockwaves through the international and local genetics world with leading scientists at a loss at the high levels of close DNA […]

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