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Bessbrook MasterChef Contestant Serves Up ‘Rehydrated Noodles in a Rich Chicken and Mushroom Jus’

15th January 2019

Bessbrook’s very own MasterChef contestant has blown away judges this week by serving up his signature dish of ‘re-hydrated noodles swimming in a rich chicken and mushroom jus’. Eamon Maginnis entered the competition on a whim, but has managed to scrape through the preliminary rounds of the illustrious competition. Eamon told Newry Spud: “It’s nerve-wracking having to cook in front […]

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Carnagat Woman To Be ‘New Face’ Of New York’s Macy’s

14th January 2019

A young Newry woman has been announced as the ‘new face’ of the famous New York super-store Macy’s we can reveal. Savannah Boyle who comes from one of Western Europe’s biggest ghettos in Carnagat was approached after a recent visit to Manhattan. The former Teleperformance worker told Newry Spud: “I’m not surprised really. I post […]

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Excitement Builds As Phone Box Installed In Culloville

14th January 2019

Excitement has reached fever pitch in Culloville today after a phone box was installed outside Casey’s filling station we can reveal. Residents of the village, who had previously used carrier pigeons and messengers on horseback after giving up on acquiring a mobile phone signal back in 1998, are said to be thrilled to finally have […]

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Russian Billionaire Purchases Bessbrook United F.C

14th January 2019

A Russian billionaire has had his bid to purchase Bessbrook United Football Club accepted, according to sources close to the club. Andrey Melnichenko who made his fortune in the oil industry, threw down his bid over the weekend, after closely following the side’s progress this season. Mr Melnichenko who has a personal fortune of over […]

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Crossmaglen 12 O’Clock Mass Turns Into An Absolute Rave Session

13th January 2019

The Sunday mass at 12am this morning In Crossmaglen’s in St Patrick’s Chapel is said to have descended into an absolute RAVE we can reveal. Mass goers have expressed their sheer delight at the Mass saying the organist Bridie DealerBoots absolutely smashed protocol open when she played tunes from Tiesto, Armin Van Buuren, Nina Kraviz, […]

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Burren Woman Insists She Got Pregnant By ‘Broken Vibrator’

12th January 2019

A Burren woman claims she found herself pregnant after using a faulty vibrator we can reveal. The 29 year-old claims she has fallen victim to a mechanical failure of the device that was recently bought from Newry’s Ann Summers shop. She told Newry Spud: “I was starting to get familiar with my new toy when it made […]

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Bessbrook Man Flaunts Lottery Win With Photo Covered In £20 Notes

12th January 2019

The rumours circulating around Bessbrook about a local winning Wednesday’s lottery are true we can now exclusively reveal. Local car enthusiast Damien Beattie won a whopping £4.9 million pounds with the winning numbers of 3,8,32,6,12,9. The lucky winner immediately took to social media to flaunt his new found wealth with a photograph that showed him […]

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Newry Woman Gives Birth To Guaranteed 150 Facebook Likes

12th January 2019

Newry woman Lisa Fatspatrick gave birth to a beautiful and healthy minimum of 150 Facebook likes this morning. The 28 year old endured a 4 hour labour with her husband Liam by her side, in what became a tough but justified effort when the potential to reach up to 500 likes was born bright-eyed and […]

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Madden’s Pub To Open In Daisy Hill A&E Department

7th January 2019

Newry’s Daisy Hill Hospital has confirmed controversial plans to open a brand new Madden’s Pub within their accident and emergency department, which they say will be pouring pints to patients by the end of February at the latest. Expected to be placed just to the left of the entrance near the ambulance bays, the mini […]

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Forkhill Residents Say Village Is Friendly-Offer To Bate Anyone Who Disagrees

5th January 2019

People of Forkhill have spoken out, fists clenched, after a visiting man’s car window was put through on Saturday night. With literally nothing else to do, recent figures put over 80% of Forkhill’s population as being drunk at any given time, with children as young as 9 seen drinking tins of Harp. The man who’s window was […]

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